Friday, April 11, 2008

Sorry for the lack of updates lately. My life is in a turmoil at the moment & I'm trying to sort out the mess while preparing for the upcoming exams next week. This is definitely one of the toughest challenge that I have encountered in my life. And I'd probably be in a depression mode in months to come. Not that I wished for it but emotions tend to take over when I'm deeply hurt. It's just me. Enough said.

For the past whole week, I've been thinking a lot. Why on earth did I get myself into such a mess? This is the kind of distraction that I've been avoiding for the past 2 years & should've continued avoiding it. But I have weakened & succumbed to an irresistible temptation. I thought I saw hope in it & finally gather the courage to start over. *sighs* I should've trusted my instincts back then. Sadly, it's too late to regret now as there's nothing that can be done.

The more I ponder about this, the more guilty I felt though I wasn't at fault right from the beginning. I was deprived the chance that I truly deserve. I always tried really hard, unfortunately he never had faith in me. Right now, I felt betrayed. I was told that I understood him the most & listened to him when others pretended they did. That girl treated him badly which is why he decided to give up on her. On top of that, both of us were compatible in so many ways. He also said that he doesn't fall for anyone so easily. Those were the words that I can still clearly recall.

I'd like to believe there was some sincerity in it. However, it's disheartening when all things fail & those words become merely sweet nothings. LIES. Hypocrisy. To the one I'm referring to, I sincerely apologise for such harsh words on you. I can't help it. You'd probably won't understand how excruciatingly painful to wake up every morning, feeling like someone has stabbed through the heart & let it bleed profusely. And to return home from class, locking up myself in the bathroom crying until the swollen eyes & headache set in. Not forgetting the sleep loss, massive appetite loss and the dazed look on the face.

Honestly, it's difficult to endure seeing you every day especially when I hate & love you at the same time. Stick to your promise if you still care for me. Don't be a dumbass & pretend that you don't know cuz I will seriously hate you. No more being friends then. It would be so much easier for me to heal if you get out of my life. It's impossible, anyhow. You're just stupid for not knowing how to treasure a nice girl who sincerely loves you a lot. Ass!

Boy, this is painful... T___T

P.S. Hiatus mode due to exams.